I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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