like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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