Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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