I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
