White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My pussy is not your playground.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
