Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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