How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My ATM looks so different sober.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
