I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
