i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
