you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
