The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
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frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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