Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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