i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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