yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
