I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
