I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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