so that wasnt chicken after all
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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