u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
