I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
