Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
