Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize