Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize