his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
