So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
