I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
