I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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