My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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