I never want to see another naked old woman again.
that's an acceptable place to lick
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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