I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
