He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize