dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
