There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
