why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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