My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
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He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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