Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
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just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
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Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.