He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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