carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.