So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.