I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
