dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize