I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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