Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize