hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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