im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
