This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
