I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
