God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
