yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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