I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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