Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
