Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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