At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
