Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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