Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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