I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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