oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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