in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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