felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
