She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
