I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
