my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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