that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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