He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
